Benektelse (Denial) en farlig fiende !
Hei folkens. Det er lenge siden jeg har skrevet her, men det skyldes tidsnød. Regner med at de fleste leser engelsk for jeg fant frem en tema-deling jeg skrev for 6-7 år siden på en Amerikansk-basert Nettgruppe for alkoholikere. På bloggen her har jeg av hensyn til AA's anonymitetsprinsipp anonymiser mitt navn.
Mitt selvvalge tema var BENEKTELSE, noen de aller fleste, sannsynligvis alle rusmisbrukere rammes av. Dvs man har en sykdom man med nebb og klør vil benekte at man har, simpelten fordi man ikke evner å erkjenne det mens man er aktiv misbruker.
Ha en god edrulig dag
Hilsen Edru Alkie :-)
Welcome to the regular meeting of the Lamplighters Group of Alcoholics Anonymous for the week of: May 11 through May 18.
My name is Tom and I am an alcoholic. Alkie has provided the topic. The topic is "Denial", and you'll find it at the end of this post. Hopefully this will be informative to newcomer and oldtimer alike... Thank you, Alkie.
We have some members who are in their first thirty days of sobriety. Please let us know how you are doing. We don't give chips in this meeting, but we would like to recognize you, and we hope that you will share on our topic.
Hi my name is Sober Alkie and I am an Alcoholic
I was asked to provide a topic in which I feel very grateful for- I was Mr. Denial himself and I know that applies to must of us, as denial is one of the characteristics with alcoholism. So here is my topic and
my story around that.
My Denialistic attitude 1.Step interpretation - I was a special Alkie- I thought !!
I was the born alcoholic I believe -growing up in a stable family - with an older sister and brother - either they nor my parent drank alcohol at all , except my brother - innocent partying as a youngster.
Me, on the other hand was a binge drinker from the moment I tasted alcohol - in the age of 12 -14 years old. Of course - not continous at that time - and in between I had a Year or even a few years with minimal/ no alcohol consumption. I never enjoyed social nice drinking. When I drank I needed a lot more than usually was provided at social events.
My longest lasting job- had been fired countless number of times - involved a lot of travelling . During the necessary business dinners I couldn't wait for it to end so I could start what I wanted- Find theworst places wherever I was and I allways found them places -and join in with the real drinkers. hm drunks - like me.
My employer - an American company- with a large office in Norway- forced me to join AA meetings I the 80's and I went there for a few times, failed and was sent to different rehab institutions. And Came outwith an attitude even worse, if possible, than when I got in there.
What was wrong? I admitted I was an alcoholic- had read the steps. Note: read them - not understood them or taken them into me.
I quit the job the minute before they fired me and made a Geographical escape - moved back to my hometown intending to start my own business and even did the paperwork applying for funds for it. Got asubstantial amount of money -and then Merry go Round - Not one Cent or Norwegian Krone was used as intended - but on booze and weed. The money ended, no job or place to live some of the time and things got worse - criminal cases - " visiting " drunk tanks and jails over most of the country - and to sick to do anything to get hold of real booze, windshield cleaner and perfume cured the hangover and brought me back where I wanted to be - in Coma.
Still in my insane brain I stuck with the 1. step an honestly believed that I was honest with my self and with an exceptional self-reliance. Nothing was in my opinion my fault - It was just the world treating me unfair.
My alcohol -contaminated brain and -attitude made me make may own interpretation of the 1. step . I admitted I was powerless and not able to handle my own life - and believed that's was my destiny - impossible to avoid - and used that as an excuse to continue drinking, even though every time I drank the last 10 years I woke up in a hospital more dead than alive.
Finally - 6 + years ago, after a heavy drinking period, some "friends" woke me up of Coma with a huge injection of speed. Gradually as the poison got out of my body, I understood the 1. step and my situation. I was an alcoholic completely in the gutter that still after so many years had thought I was different from other alcoholics - my case was worse than others.
Now I knew that I was NOT different - I was an alcoholic like any alcoholics and I could stop drinking by using the right means if I really wanted and wanted to live; AA and the Program- if I had an honest wish and were willing to go to any length to get it - I did and are still sober !!
I still remember my last drink and the hours after when I was " enlighted " - It was a relief and I called my children and other family member who had suffered from my alcoholism, and told them that I finallyunderstood the 1. step. And that I must never touch alcohol again. It was like I had invented the wheel again - and it became the start of my exiting, some times hard, but gradually easier and joyful journey of my recovery. I became an AA member immediately - got a sponsor and started early doing service - excellent coffey maker- and used antabus the first year or so as a crutch.
Thanks to AA - the program and my HP as I understand him/it I feel mostly happy today- life will always have it's ups and downs - but by staying sober and continue in the AA-fellowship sharing ESH - I'mfully capable and happy to handle that and grateful for waking up sober every morning.
It's possible one day at a time :-)